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Category Archives: Relationship

Men Adore In Women

Responsible: A responsible woman is one who sees opportunities of service and responds to them quickly. Within her lies the ability to turn stumbling blocks to stepping stones. She is a great asset to her man because responsibility is a vital ingredient to a successful life. She is reliable and can be trusted with information, assignments etc. A responsible woman is efficient and effective; she sees a need as an opportunity to serve and sets out to meet that need! Her man is not perplexed with the load of family responsibilities for he has a help-mate. She is a good definition of two good heads are better than one.

Goal Oriented and Principled: This is a woman that is focused, has her eyes fixed on a destination and nothing deters her from reaching the goal. This woman knows her mind is the major capital she needs to venture in any endeavour so she works on her mind – feeds her mind with the right materials and heads for the top. She is not gullible or easily taken in rather she is ethical, coordinated and well-acquainted with things that has to do with her dreams and goals. She doesn’t run around aimlessly, she always aims well and hits her target timely. She works gently but steadily and so arrives always at the stipulated time.

Accommodating and Considerate: Here is a friendly, considerate, co-operative and generous woman. She is not selfish, even in “bedmatics“, she thinks of her partner’s feeling and satisfaction first. She is attentive to his needs, amiable, benevolent and pleasant to be with. She doesn’t create excuses for failing in her duties rather she is always handy and quick to apologize and make amends where she missed it. She is not ruffled by her man’s impromptu decisions or actions because within her she has made room to accommodate them before they occur.

Romantic and Sensual: Her dressing is clean, modest and beautiful. She understands men are moved by what they see but this doesn’t drive her to nudity or immodest dressing. She is a complete woman! She satisfies the sensual and emotional needs of her man. She knows which keys to play for her man in the bedroom to get him reeling with laughter, joy, excitement and satisfaction. She is all round beautiful and trustworthy. She is honest, submissive and has good sense of humour; she knows her man is not looking for a mother, an aunty or elder sister rather a soul mate, helpmate and a friend. She incorporates all these roles but exhibits that of friendship and soul mate to her man. In her, he finds the services and input of a mother, sister and an aunty; yet she is his wife, friend, lover and confidante.

All about Heart of Compassion

Learn about a part of the world you previously had no idea about. Find a part in their existence where they are less fortunate than you. Pray God fuse that in your mind and watch how the Spirit works.

Where another has an issue with you, go to them, and make peace.

Reverse your understanding. Stand in the other person’s shoes. Go deliberately against your feelings. Stay there for a time. Watch your heart soften.

Using your will, forgive someone you have loathed for some time. Forgive an act using your simple ability to decide.

Imagine some of the ways you’ve hurt God, and quietly recount these before him in prayer. Feel your heart heal in the process.

Notice the person you’ve favoured. Notice the person you’ve dissed. Notice how partiality has coloured your perspective away from compassion.

Go to a museum or take a history course or watch a history documentary on YouTube. Enjoy feeling smaller than you normally feel. Enjoy with gratitude the simple nature of being alive on the cusp of time.

Give someone your fullest attention, and keep doing so.

Make a study of God’s grace. Learn something new about what you may already know well.

About Love Is Painful

Love is a feeling, and your childhood shapes the way how you experience it. If you connect love with positive feelings like joy, you are unlikely to read this post. But what if you connect it with pain or struggle?
It’s something you should look at and heal with self-compassion. You can’t change the past, but you can create a better future. Take care of this little child within you that has lived through so much pain in love. Her childhood wasn’t easy. She has experienced suffering. Her parents may never have been able to give her the love she needed.

And you are a beautiful woman now, and you can give her the love she deserves. She won’t receive this from anybody else. Only you can give it to her. This way she can stop to look for love in painful places. The more you nurture the relationship with your inner child with compassion, the more you will free yourself from the influences of the past. Why should you change this? I know that you were an innocent child. You didn’t deserve to experience love as pain. But you can’t change the past. You can only create a better future. Healing isn’t obligatory. It’s a choice. I walked many years on the painful path until I decided to change. Going a new path is uncomfortable and sometimes frightening. As human beings, we love our comfort zone. We may sometimes even prefer the pain we know instead of trying something new. But before you decide what to do, just consider for a moment:

Some Tricks to Move On

Everybody has a good side. “True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.” – Oprah Winfrey. Focus on the positive qualities of the person who has offended you. See how in the past they may have added value to you. Stay in the energy of gratitude for what they have done for you and you’ll eventually start to cherish them for real once again.

Feel free to define your boundaries. On the other hand, you may decide to limit contact if the relationship is dragging you down. You can still have affection and respect for someone but you may need to keep them at a distance at least temporarily.

Accept your contribution. In all likelihood, you probably played some part in the conflict. Acknowledge your actions and figure out how to make positive changes.

Look at it from their point of view. When someone fails to apologize, it usually has more to do with them than with you. They may feel ashamed or vulnerable. When you think about their pain, you may feel like you have more in common.

Resist all-or-nothing thinking. Distinguish between the human being and their actions. An action may be wrong but that doesn’t make the whole human being wrong. If someone criticizes you unfairly, list the things you still like about him / her.

Release the negative energy. Venting your feelings in a diary or an imaginary letter helps to sort things out. You can express yourself freely without worrying about widening the divide. Write the letter and burn it to release the energy from your body onto the paper and eventually into the ether. Works like magic every single time!

Reach out. If someone close to you has trouble apologizing, you may need to make an extra effort. Let them see how you apologize and take responsibility for your actions so they can discover more options.

One of the things that has personally helped me a lot in situations like this is to always remind myself that the advantages of forgiveness are the same whether the other person apologizes or not. Think of pardoning others as something you do for yourself rather than for them.

1. Drop the resentment – “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela. Grudges are like a heavy weight on our being. When you release your anger and disappointment, you’ll free up energy that you can devote to the things you love.

2. Be Generous – Each of us makes mistakes don’t we? But unfortunately, we often judge others on their actions and judge ourselves on our intentions. When you give someone a second chance, remember that you’ll probably need one yourself someday.

3. Value your relationships. Family and friends are precious. Develop connections that can withstand conflicts. Resolving your disagreements can even draw you closer together when you cooperate on finding solutions.

4. Take control of your feelings. You’re in charge of your own happiness. Focus on something that gives you happiness and joy instead of checking your phone to see if your partner/spouse apologized yet. “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

5. Let It Go. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” – Martin Luther King Jr. Most of all, a loving and forgiving heart is good for your own mental and physical health.

About Believing in Others

Recently, and maybe this is due to years of living, I find that it is critical to believe in others and to let them know it loudly, clearly, and frequently. Although I realize that I am nervous about some of my decisions and wonder about what others might think or how they might react to my choices, I never really stopped to consider that I might depend on this feedback from others whom I respect to keep me motivated and plunging forward. I do not refer to sideline cheers and backslaps of encouragement, but rather that all-out faith that others exude and share as I move forward with life. I also do not mean accolades and public endorsement as I do not need these to keep myself focused and determined. Instead I am talking about people who note the little things – a poster I designed and the details contained on it, the plan I have laid out that includes minute guidance and direction, an idea that I have fielded with a request for input and participation. It is the trust and conviction that others place in me that allows me to forge onward with trust and conviction within myself.

With this acknowledgement of self-need, I am now working diligently to bring out confidence in others. I am amazed at how many successful men and women are also quivering and hesitant inside. For the purpose of brevity I will concentrate on my women friends as it is they who most often enlist my support or request my opinion. When you have raised a family, girls, you have participated in a unique challenge of love, loyalty, and discipline. All of these characters transfer to achievement in other areas. When you have maintained a career that you love and that inspires you, you have participated in a unique challenge of love, loyalty, and self-discipline. When you have raised children and worked outside of the home as well, you definitely possess powerful and valuable skills.

When you exercise you improve bodily functions. When you teach and share knowledge you expand your own potential. When you break down barriers and reconstruct paradigms, you increase your abilities. These are just a few ways that women change the world, themselves, and the lives they touch each day.

Restorative Relationship Moments

Confrontation – none of us enjoy being confronted, and not many of us enjoy confronting, but good confrontations – where both parties feel empowered because they’re safe – is so important for relationship happiness. Confrontations implicit of love show that caring is an extension of the truth, because love ensures that the confrontation is productive. Love does not give up nor give in.

Listening – no list on good relationship moments would be complete without the word listening. We see it practiced so rarely, and we may hardly experience it. But, if we can be the ones who can start by listening well enough to understand, our relationships will be all better for it. Listening properly requires great faith to leave aside our needs to serve another person’s first.

Apology – I’m a big fan of Dr Gary Chapman’s five Languages of Apology, for we all speak ‘sorry’ differently. Every great relationship requires every person to apologise. Apology precipitates forgiveness.

Forgiveness – such a complex subject comprising a plethora of relationship moments. Forgiveness is God’s grace, redoubled in human form.

Restoration – transactions of forgiveness are fundamental to restoration.

Triumph – such a moment is only known beyond the pain of a difficulty reconciled, where both parties add the significant effort of humility to overcome their differences. There can be no triumph moment where one person exudes all the humility, and the other encamps in pride.

Women Fear Intimacy

Unavailable

If one is aware of their fear of intimacy, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they attract someone who is unavailable. They will know that they are a reflection of them, and there is then going to be less chance of them blaming the other person.

When one is not aware of their fear of intimacy, it can be even harder for them to handle another person who is unavailable. This can then be taken as another sign that they are never going to have what they need and they can feel as though the world is against them.

Available

Yet, this is not to say that they won’t attract people who are available; but when this happens, there are going to be other reasons why they are not ‘compatible’. They may say that they are not their type or they may meet them whilst they are on holiday, for instance.

In this case, they are a good match but they live too far away, and while they may be happy to travel to see them, it is not going to match up with what they need. Having said that, there is also the chance that the distance is not a problem and this may be what feels comfortable, at least for a while.

Short-Lived

As they look back on their life, they may see that they have been in a number of intimate relationships. If they take a closer look, they may see that these relationships lasted for a certain amount of time and there may have been a pattern when it comes to why they came to an end.

Perhaps they felt as though the other person wasn’t a suitable or that they changed their mind and no longer wanted to settle down. The other person may have started to pull away just as their relationship was starting to go in the right direction.

Dating

Through being in an intimate relationship and having what they say they want, they may find it hard to understand why part of them wants to go with others. In the beginning, they say they want one thing, and after getting what they want, they say they want the complete opposite.

This doesn’t mean they will leave the relationships though, as it could cause them to hold onto their relationship and to go with others at the same time. When this happens, their need to expedience security is being fulfilled on the one side and their need to experience ‘freedom’ is being fulfilled on the other.

Loving Yourself

As an only child with disconnected parents, I was often very lonely. The loneliness was so big that I learned seemingly positive ways of avoiding feeling this feeling – reading, doing arts and crafts, being immersed in school and spending as much time as I could at friends’ houses. In fact, I did such a good job of avoiding this feeling that I was completely unaware that I was often very lonely.

It came as a shock to me when, one day, I felt a searing pain throughout my body. I asked my spiritual Guidance what this feeling was and she said, “This is loneliness.” “Wow!” I answered. “No wonder I’ve avoided it all this time!”

My Guidance suggested that I hang out with the feeling, welcome it, embrace it and stay open to learning about what it had to teach me. I hung out with it for two months and it taught me volumes. One of the things it taught me was how to love myself through the loneliness.

The first thing I learned to do was to become aware of the feeling, then name it and embrace it with compassion. My inner child feels seen, heard and loved when I name the feeling and compassionately embrace it. It’s easy to use various addictions and other forms of self-abandonment to avoid feeling lonely, but this isn’t loving to ourselves.

The next thing I learned to do is to open to learning from the feeling. If I feel lonely when I’m alone, it’s telling me that I need to reach out for connection. Sometimes being alone doesn’t feel lonely and other times it does. If it does, then loving myself means taking loving action for myself – such as calling a friend or family member. Loving yourself might mean that you need to make friends. Loving action might be looking into meetup.com, or taking a class with like-minded people, or joining a spiritual or religious organization or a 12-Step group, or some other activity where you might meet like-minded people. What is not loving is to judge yourself or avoid the feeling with some other form of self-abandonment.

If I feel lonely when I’m with another person, first I need to check in to make sure I’m open. If I’m not, then I need to do my Inner Bonding work to explore what I’m protecting again – what I’m trying to control or avoid. If I am open, then my loneliness is likely telling me that the person I’m with is closed to connection with me. Then I have the choice to love myself by opening to learning with them, or to lovingly disengage. If you are often lonely with your partner, loving yourself might mean seeking help with your relationship, even if your partner isn’t open to counseling or facilitation.

If I’m with a group, the feeling might be telling me that this group isn’t my tribe, or it might be telling me that I need to move around within the group to find the one or two people with whom I can connect.

There may be a lot of information you can gain from compassionately attending to your loneliness. Loving yourself through loneliness means embracing it, learning from it, and taking loving action on your own behalf.

Healing and Forgiveness

Do be honest. This has to be the hardest thing. We either learn to see truthfully – which takes courageous and dignified humility – or we ought to give others permission to speak into our lives. The former is far more dignifying. But we need the latter, too.

Don’t add to the other side’s burden, or for that matter, anyone’s burden. Too often I made the issue about them and brought them into it. And at times I’ve drained people because of the bad vibes I felt I needed to express. Find a sounding board who wants to be a sounding board.

Do keep short account regarding who you speak to and what you say. We can’t trust everyone, and even some we think we can trust are not trustworthy. How naïve would you say you are? The more naïve we are the more cautious we need to be.

Don’t force transformations that aren’t there yet. Sometimes we try too hard to forgive and we just prove readier to become more hurt. We expose our vulnerability and we get slammed. Allow the temperature of the heart to rise gradually to meet the climate in the head. We cannot think our way into feeling differently – or not that quickly.

We are not ready to forgive until we are ready to love.

Relationship Expectations

The extremes of relationship expectations occur like that akin to borderline personality disorder, where there are fine lines between love and hate. I mean to the point of holy deference, we risk sliding into loathing when they fail us. And they will. The point is, our expectations will place them in a position where they must fail us; they cannot possibly live up to the heights we decree them.

Putting anyone atop a pedestal is fraught with danger, even if those we place there have definitive responsibilities of leadership. Consider that they may not be perceived to have failed these leadership responsibilities, even if we think they have. Where does that leave us, if we think someone has failed us, but others think nothing of it?

It is easier to plan for the fact that people fail us. The higher we estimate a person’s worth, the worse we feel when they fail to meet that standard. This is not their problem. It’s ours.

When relationship expectations reach unreasonable heights, forgiveness becomes harder than ever. When the lofty have fallen, there is no recourse to forgive them.