Healing and Forgiveness

Do be honest. This has to be the hardest thing. We either learn to see truthfully – which takes courageous and dignified humility – or we ought to give others permission to speak into our lives. The former is far more dignifying. But we need the latter, too.

Don’t add to the other side’s burden, or for that matter, anyone’s burden. Too often I made the issue about them and brought them into it. And at times I’ve drained people because of the bad vibes I felt I needed to express. Find a sounding board who wants to be a sounding board.

Do keep short account regarding who you speak to and what you say. We can’t trust everyone, and even some we think we can trust are not trustworthy. How naïve would you say you are? The more naïve we are the more cautious we need to be.

Don’t force transformations that aren’t there yet. Sometimes we try too hard to forgive and we just prove readier to become more hurt. We expose our vulnerability and we get slammed. Allow the temperature of the heart to rise gradually to meet the climate in the head. We cannot think our way into feeling differently – or not that quickly.

We are not ready to forgive until we are ready to love.

Relationship Expectations

The extremes of relationship expectations occur like that akin to borderline personality disorder, where there are fine lines between love and hate. I mean to the point of holy deference, we risk sliding into loathing when they fail us. And they will. The point is, our expectations will place them in a position where they must fail us; they cannot possibly live up to the heights we decree them.

Putting anyone atop a pedestal is fraught with danger, even if those we place there have definitive responsibilities of leadership. Consider that they may not be perceived to have failed these leadership responsibilities, even if we think they have. Where does that leave us, if we think someone has failed us, but others think nothing of it?

It is easier to plan for the fact that people fail us. The higher we estimate a person’s worth, the worse we feel when they fail to meet that standard. This is not their problem. It’s ours.

When relationship expectations reach unreasonable heights, forgiveness becomes harder than ever. When the lofty have fallen, there is no recourse to forgive them.

Pick Right Partner

However, it will be very suicidal if you master that courage to propose and your proposal is turned down. Can you imagine how you will really feel when you do not succeed? You only have to keep on trying until you succeed.

The question is, how will you know whether the one you have chosen is your right partner; whether they really love you? Real love is a natural feeling which develops as time goes on, but the one who loves you will always express his or her concern for you. They will be ready to die for you, to share your difficult or joyful moment with you.

In this case, choosing the right partner will depend on the criteria you set in judging anybody that comes into your life. When you are very ambitious and set a high standard for yourself, you have to work at it. You know what you really want, so you don’t have to give up when your first attempt is turned down. You have to keep on trying until you finally grab your taste. You don’t have to settle down with anybody that comes your way, even when you are desperately in need, try to control your feelings and allow time to work it out for you.

However, you can also look at the bits and pieces of your previous relationship and use them as a way of setting standard for your new catch. Some people turn to ignore some nice guys or pretty ladies around their area and go out there looking for Mr or Mrs right outside their community. The guy who is very familiar with you, nice, sincere and smiles at you may be the right person to fall in love with, But how will you know; unless you make the move and propose to the person. Even when no one is coming forward, you have to go out there and propose to anyone that meets your prescription but you will actually face rejections. Rejections are not the end of the world,so when you are turned down, just go ahead, and you might succeed the next time around.

You can also use following strategies when selecting your right partner, but it will depend upon your effort in making your choice.

You really have to examine yourself first and know exactly what you really want. But most at times, your wants may be different from your choice.

Set a standard or criteria for the type of person you want to choose as a partner and work at it vigorously.

Do not forget to realize that it is not easy or it may not come to you automatically. So you have to go and look for it until you finally grab it.

Rejections are inevitable and you must be prepared for it. This should not discourage you but you must endeavour to pursue further and have the positive feeling that, you will succeed.

Show love and kindness to anyone you get into contact with, and this will open new doors for you to receive the same kind of love in return. So the possibility of facing rejection may not be frequent. However, it hurts when you do not receive the same love back, but all the same, you have to take the risk and think positively for a big catch. After you have got your right partner, you have to work very hard to sustain the relationship and allow it to work very well.

You must look at the threat in the relationship and not the blanket figure of the person you are walking with. The outward appearance of the person may lure you into the relationship, but that is not all; look out for the inner world or the character of your partner and be sure that you have finally chosen your heart’s desire.

It Is So Hard to Move On

1. You are not ready to give up on the relationship you had thought was going great. There was a time that things were going great between the two of you and maybe it can be that way again. It can be normal to want to bring back those good feelings you had and maybe it is even possible. The thing is how can you ever make it happen?

2. Could you believe your ex still has feelings for you? You could be right, deep down inside them they could still care about you. But you have been getting the cold shoulder treatment after breaking up which means those feelings are buried deep. Over a period of time your ex will be dealing with their personal consequences of the break up and could ultimately move on. On the other hand your ex may find they still have love in their heart for you and want to rekindle the relationship.

3. You may think you are ready to move on with your life but you still have strong feelings towards your ex. You think there is still a chance to get back with them and want to make an effort to make it work. You may even be in the position that you think there is no chance you will ever get them back, but still hold out hope you can.

Some Secret to Loving Relationships

Make Relationship Time A High Priority

One of the greatest experiences in life is the sharing of love, and this takes time. Learning, growth, intimacy, connection and passion are the natural results of creating a safe, open, kind and loving relationship space, and all this takes times. Spending connected time together relaxing, laughing, sharing and cuddling are essential for creating a long-lasting, thriving loving relationship.

Cultivate an Intent To Learn With Yourself And Your Partner

We need to be able to rely on ourselves and each other to stay open to learning about our wounds and our resulting controlling protective behavior. There is nothing that grinds love down more than controlling behaviors, such as those mentioned above, or behavior that is intent on avoiding your feelings – such as ignoring your feelings, judging yourself and your partner, or turning to addictions to numb your feelings.

If you are currently not in a relationship, then take this time to learn to stay open with your own feelings and learn what they are telling you, rather than continue to abandon yourself when you feel pain. Learning to stay open with yourself makes it much easier to stay open with your partner.

If you are currently in a relationship, do the same thing. Take time to learn to be present with your own feelings, with an intent to learn.

Practice Focusing On Kindness With Yourself And Your Partner

Just as an openness to learning is essential in creating a safe relationship space, so is kindness. If you were not brought up with kindness and you have been judgmental with yourself and others, rather than kind, then you need to keep the concept of kindness in the forefront of your mind.

Relationships flourish when loving yourself and your partner is your highest priority. For most people, protecting against pain has been their highest priority, so it takes much practice to successfully make love a higher priority than avoiding pain.

Develop Your Spiritual Connection

Relationships flounder when you make your partner your source of love. Your partner isn’t supposed to be your higher power – you have your own higher power and this is your infinite source of love. When your intent is to learn about loving yourself and your partner, and you open to learning about this with a source of spiritual guidance, you will learn to fill yourself with love to share with your partner. Trying to have control over getting love ruins relationships. Sharing love creates intimacy and connection with your partner.

About Empathy In Relationship

In Balance

What this is going to show that is that one has the ability to give and they have the ability to receive. And as one is an interdependent human being, this is going to make it a lot easier for them to thrive.

It is through one being there for others that other people will be there for them. There may have been a time when one was there for others but they didn’t return the favour, and this could have shown that one didn’t value themselves, amongst other things.

Another Experience

But even though it is important to have empathy, it doesn’t mean that everyone has it, or that everyone has the same amount. So, if one lacks empathy, their experience on this earth is going to be extremely different.

When one is focused on their own needs and they are not interested in what is going on for other people, they could believe that other people exist to meet their needs. It is then going to be as if these people are an extension of them.

Take and Take

This is likely to mean that they won’t have any friends, or if they do, they can be surrounded by people who are also out of balance. These people could have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, and they could believe that their needs are not important.

One is then going to take what they can, and these people will just put up with it. It could seem as though one doesn’t have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes.

One Option

So if one is in a relationship, for instance, and their partner had a problem, they are not going to be able to be there for them. One could end up telling them to ‘get over’ it or to ‘move on’.

This can then cause their partner to feel invalidated and as though one doesn’t care about them. If there is a problem in their relationship, it is highly unlikely that it will get any better; in fact, it could end up getting even worse.

Awareness

If one is caught up with their own needs and finds it hard to empathise with others, it will be vital for them to work on this, that’s if they feel the need to. And if one is used to attracting people who are self-centred, it is going to be necessary for them to look into why they put up with these people.

As if they valued themselves, they might no longer be drawn to (or attract) these kinds of people. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.

Give Boyfriend More Space

If you wish to make your relationship work in the long run, you need to make short-term changes in order to ensure that you can both breathe freely in your relationship. To do this, you need to give your boyfriend more space. When the word “space” is mentioned, it might conjure up images of distance and separation. These images may later lead on to disturbing thoughts of a breakup. If that is what is running through your mind right now, it is probably time to pause and actually consider what it means to give your boyfriend space. Remember this – “space” is NOT synonymous with “breakup”.

Giving your boyfriend space just means that you step back a little so that he will have the time and ability to go about his normal routine without feeling closeted in by you. Many men complain that their girlfriends don’t give them enough space and demand that they account for all their spare time. While this might seem interesting and even cute at the beginning of a relationship, it can become quite a strain as time goes by.

Your boyfriend might have goals of his own that he needs to work on. Or, he might wish to spend time with the boys or with sports that he loves. Further still, he just might want some time to himself to relax or sort things out. If you truly want your relationship to last, give him the time and space he needs. Consider the following points on how to give your boyfriend more space.

Ways To Give Boyfriend Space
The first thing you need to keep in mind to give your boyfriend time is to stop expecting him to spend every free minute either with you or talking to you over the phone. Understand that he has a life of his own, and until he makes a commitment to you in terms of marriage, he will still have a life of his own no matter how much you love each other. Understanding and accepting this will help condition your mind with regard to further steps in giving him space.

The second thing that you need to remember is that you should not make your boyfriend feel stifled with calls, messages, e-mails and other forms of communication from you. You might be more than happy to stop expecting him to constantly keep in touch. However, are you inundating him with excess communication? An occasional message or a sweet e-mail will touch his heart. However, if you take every moment you get to keep texting or e-mailing him, it will begin to annoy him over a period of time, no matter how much he loves you.

A third point to remember is to go slow on verbal expressions of love. Some women want to keep getting reassured as often as possible that they are loved and cherished. While this is natural and women do have the need to feel loved, expecting your man to keep on telling you that he loves you will end up annoying him. There are many ways in which a man expresses his love – these ways can range to a simple look, a touch, a gift or just an occasion he takes out of his busy life to spend time either with you or talking to you. Look for ways in which he shows you that he cares, instead of always expecting him to say that he cares. Apart from this, avoid repeatedly telling him that you love him. After a while, it becomes meaningless. In order for your words to really mean a lot to him, limit them and express them in a way that he will never forget.

Expect Too Much From Relationship

A good guy is still a good guy in a book or on the silver screen. He can still be head over heels in love with his wife and not cheat on her. He can still make her feel desirable and sexy. He can still make her feel that her opinions count and lets her be part of the decision-making of important purchases. And she can still make him feel like he’s king of her castle.

Most women aren’t looking for Superman, no matter how strong he is. They’re more inclined to look for Clark Kent who personifies a loyal, sensitive, good person.

They might drool over the good looks of Superman but they’d rather have Clark Kent, who comes across as dependable all the time, rather than just when an emergency occurs. Superman is always flying off somewhere to battle the bad guys. That can get old very fast. Most women want a man to stick around in the evenings to talk to and snuggle with; they don’t want him flying off somewhere.

The interesting thing is that money and good looks are at the bottom of the list. At the top of the list is someone who listens to her. She’s not looking for him to solve her problems; she just wants to tell him about them. And she’s looking for companionship, someone who enjoys her company and doesn’t make it seem like a hardship to spend a quiet evening at home with her or go someplace interesting with her.

There are always crises or arguments that have to be dealt with, both in the movies and in romance novels but, whereas we’re usually assured of a happy ending in books and movies, real life can be very different.

Maybe we do want more of the fiction in our relationships but, maybe it’s also necessary to have that little bit of romance with it too, to offset the large doses of reality that we have to deal with all the time.

Forgive Anyone Anything

Not if I wanted to live. Besides resentment having a physical effect on my body that nearly killed me, it hurt me in so many other ways.

  • Divorce – I had no harmony to bring into a marriage. Only anger.
  • Estrangement From My children – Resentment had so hardened my heart that I became mean and unforgiving and you know what they say about stuff rolling down hill.
  • Unemployment – I took my anger out on people at work and could always justify my quitting over “their” wrong actions. But it was really my anger history that disrupted my work.
  • Alcoholism – Besides it being an inherited disease, my inability to deal with stress was a contributing factor to hiding in alcohol.

I want to assure you that with God’s help you can forgive anyone anything and you can stop allowing resentment to destroy your happiness.

Let me give you a few examples of some of life’s biggest resentment-makers:

  1. Abandonment: by parent, spouse or best friend.
  2. Abuse: Physical, mental, emotional or sexual.
  3. Betrayal: Cheating spouse or someone in authority.
  4. Favoritism: Being overlooked for someone else’s benefit, to your detriment.

I know you can think of many other causes that you’ve experienced that caused you to hold onto resentment much longer than you could have. But it’s hurting you and it can kill you.

Long Term Relationship

Respect

It’s always recommended that you be open in your relationship. This calls for you to tell your spouse all the necessary details. The details should be both good and bad. While this is the case, you shouldn’t be disrespectful. When your partner makes a mistake, you should correct him/her respectfully. For your relationship to last for a long time, you should respect each other. As rule of thumb, you should never bring down your partner.

Maturity

Maturity isn’t acting all “grown up” such as not watching cartoons or laughing at booby jokes. Maturity is the ability to tell right from wrong, take responsibility for actions, and solve problems when you come across. If your partner is always blaming the government, traffic, boss or anyone else for something, he/she isn’t mature and you should be wary when working with him/her.

Responsible

Maintaining a long-term relationship requires both of you to be responsible. One common feature of a long-term relationship is children. The last thing that you want is living with a partner who can’t provide for the children or take good care of you. Your partner doesn’t necessary need to have a lot of money but he/she should have some levels of security.

Fun

While your partner should be responsible and serious in life, he/she should also be fun to be with. Your partner should be able to laugh away the life inconveniences, make fun of normal occurrences and laugh at himself/herself. A partner with a sense of humor isn’t boring and helps you have a fun look on life. While a sense of humor is great, you should stay away from a person who makes fun of other people.